It still Hurts
by ankaush
Summary: Even after 19 years, some feelings are just suppressed; never forgotten


_His scar never hurt once in the past 19 years._

But sometimes, it hurts where it shouldn't. It still hurts, that for all being the hero of wizarding world, he couldn't be the the hero of her world.

As the steam engine slowly left the magical platform of 9 3/4th at King's Cross, he absentminedly waved at his children, along with his wife. But inside, he was thinking about _her_.

 _Hermione_

He glanced towards his lanky best friend and his wife, and they continued their usual bickering, of sorts. But even then, anyone could have deduced the love both of them held towards each other. And he just stood there, watching them.

He loves his wife. Very much indeed. But, in a way, he could never connect with her as he connected with his best friend. Ginny always supported him , especially to cope up with his depression following the heavy casualty of the end-game. But he still feel the exact same connection with Ginny, which he had with Hermione. His long suppressed feelings have not come often nowadays, but this is one of the moments. He could not help but wonder, if he had made a move when he was a foolish teenager, he could be now with her, sending off their children to Hogwarts.

He seldom wonders why in the world didn't he make a move on her. Did he suppress his feelings so that his best friend could be with her, happily? Or was it because of something else?

Dumbledore often mentioned about Love being the greatest weapon. But frankly, he has felt love only for the past 19 years. After the moment the horcrux was removed from his head. He couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of all the facts which led to this conclusion. He never felt love before the taint of Voldemort's horcrux was removed.

Yes, he knew how to be affectionate. He knew something similar to love, but never knew what love actually meant. He closed up for nearly 2 months after the final battle. Wherein he actually grieved for all the deaths; his parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, and even Snape. And at the same time he recognized some new feelings about his not-so-bushy haired friend.

Sisterly affection! He snorted! How can he be such a fool! She could have literally been his other half! But the bloody horcrux ruined it all. He wonders if Hermione had the same feelings for him, and his inability to make a move eventually helped her move on. Maybe, maybe not.

But he can never forget the Christmas eve of 1997.

That was a night where he could have been selfish. That was the night, he had realized a long time ago, he could have made her for himself. He knew Hermione was looking at him with an affection he never felt, but has seen before. Something which was definitely more than brotherly affection. But she knew better. She made the right decision to snap out of the trance, and thankfully, he wondered what hell would have broken loose if she had acted to her instincts.

He still doesn't regret kissing her back then. It was all for the greater good. He snorted! God, the last thing he wanted was channeling Dumbledore. And quite frankly, he was quite disturbed. Dumbledore, for all his good intentions, was not the right inspiration to follow.

And his wife snapped him out of his thoughts

"What happened, Harry?" she asked curiously.

Harry, just enigmatically smiled, and replied "Nothing, just happy for my life."

She gave him a curious look. And just shrugged. Sometimes he wondered whether he knew about all this. His _thoughts_ about Hermione. She most probably knows. Many a time she has caught him glancing at Hermione, but she wasn't bothered one bit. That still confuses him.

But he does love her. Maybe not the Romeo-Juliet sort of way, but she was his wife. And they were happy together. He snorted again, thinking about how ironical it sounded to compare his love life with that of Shakespeare's works.

But 19 years hence, he is satisfied with his life. He has a loving wife, three kids, and friends to die for. But still it hurts him sometimes; makes him wonder what a life could have been with Hermione, who knows him better than anyone else.

After shaking his head and sighing, he pushed these thoughts at the back of his head, and held his hand towards his wife. He could see the love in her eyes, and she didn't question the tears he had in his eyes. She smiled, and together, they apparated to Godric's Hollow. His last thought before he apparated was

"When it comes to life, we spin our own yarn, and where we end up is really, in fact, where we always intended to be."

(A/N My first ever fan fiction. Please review it without bashing or slandering. I will strive to improve)


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